One of the things I am most fascinated by is the balance of nurture vs. nature, particularly how our genetics drive our behavior. The fact that science now attributes about half of our behavioral tendencies to biology has enormous implications on how we deal with our own strengths and weaknesses -- as well as other people's.
I was reminded of this last night on my weekly phone call with my (maternal) grandmother. It's probably not a shock that my 88-year-old grandmother is in no way comfortable with my solo traveling habits. And she finds my decision to spend 3-months in Colombia particularly disturbing. Each call ends with a protracted round of advice about staying aware and safe, and a flurry of prayers about my safety.
I used to really struggle with being gracious and patient through this weekly process. For my overly independent, self-sufficient, road warrior feminist ego, this has always felt patronizing, if not downright insulting -- even when my brain realized that she did not ever intend it that way.
But now that I know that science is increasingly confident that behavioral biases around things like harm avoidance, novelty seeking, instant gratification, fear of pain, risk taking, propensity towards loneliness, etc. are rooted in our DNA (and I know now, as if there was much doubt, what my genetic predispositions on all of these are), it makes it much easier for me to accept that my grandmother and I do not just represent different generational perspectives, but also different genetic ones.
For me this is an incredibly helpful way to not only avoid being judgmental with other people, but to detach myself from other people's reactions enough to prevent myself from feeling judged. And while (in most normal cases) we are not hostage to our genetic behavioral bias, acknowledging that we all have one is enormously valuable in accepting both ourselves and others.
This poses an interesting question for this week: what behavior(s) -- in another person or yourself -- would you find easier to live with if you could believe that it was a function of biology? And what would it mean to that relationship if you could do that?
